Reminiscent of "those" days.

It's really amazing how far I've come the last few years. I was flipping through my notebooks from a couple of semesters ago and it reminded me of how great God is. I fought depression for about 3 years solid, and I found somethings I wrote in those notebooks that just magnifies where I was in those moments. It's scary, but at the same time relieving knowing I'm as far from that now as I can hope to be. Sure, I have my bad days...but who doesn't? These few excerpts are just a part of a long journey. Every day I look in the mirror and thank God for me still being here. Here's for some interesting reading:

"I am no one special, everything about me you can relate to someone else. I am viewed as a mess, unorganized, and everywhere. I am only me, that's all I seem to be proud of. Nothing I've written, drawn, or painted is waved about for people to see. I want to exist in what people expect, nothing more and nothing less. If I set myself up too high, I will always feel I have failed. I'm content being a mess, it's the only thing I can claim."

"Loneliness destroys the soul, it pushes it to it's limits. The feeling of longing is the break down. Sometimes the long becomes so powerful it dies."

"The soul is empty and completely dry. The abyss inside my being. My hallow existence seems so light, but heavy is all my heart has ever known."

This one I wrote after studying Sylvia Plath. I wrote this as if her point of view when she commited suicide. See, depression + suicide....God is great.

I'm caged inside my own skin
Pushing and punching to be released
I see this figure in the mirror
Lost and bewilderment screams in my eyes
When will I be set free?
Your chains and bounds tie me to this hell
They laugh at me when I struggle
My prison beneath my clothes
The fair walls are a lie
I pray for my freedom to come
My body has become a machine
Producing ACTS 1 to 5 that they long to see
Pearly whites shining in the flames
The applause echoes through the cells
I can feel the freedom coming
Alone I sit in the chill
A sweet fragrance floats through the gate
I'm warm for a moment
My head is becoming heavy
Today is my liberation
My body becomes as stone
But my heart as a feather
Breathing in the sweetness of freedom
I tease and play with her until finally
I am free.

Yeah. God is amazing.