and you wonder why...

i'm in awe. shock and awe. today was my "lounge" day. the one saturday i reserved to do nothing but stay in my comfortable clothes and paint. i mark these days on my calendar, since usually at this time of the year i am frantically trying to write the oodles of papers i pushed back or studying for the one last test professors love to insert right before finals. i value the days where i can just sit with my ipod fully charged with my favorite tunes and paint up a colorful storm. today that didn't happen, well...it hasn't happened yet. no, because i turned on the television. (this is where the shock and awe happened) i turned to vh1 and there was this show on it about child pageants, sort of a "behind the scenes" of these events. they follow a group of families around video taping their prep and planning it takes to participate. i was disgusted. these four and five year old girls were getting mystic tans. FIVE YEARS OLD! i'm twenty one and those things scare the hell out of me. these girls spend hours and hours of their childhood time learning dance routines. they call it Pro-AM. it's supposed to be a modelling while dancing act. these girls are dressed in their sequined belly baring neon green dance outfits and strike these poses. the director of Pro-AM said the girls always want to dance like they do in the music videos, like britney spears and christina aguilera. ok, being of stable feminist mind- i must say that i have watched the videos they are referring to over the course of my young life and i must say that 3/4 of the time i feel like i should have gotten an STD just watching it. what are these girls doing watching that crap at 6 years old?! like hell i'll let my kids watch that!! what sort of role models are these children getting?! the mothers are the toppers of it all though. living vicariously through your just out of diapers daughter is something i should be able to do a case study on when i get into graduate school. i might actually look into that. i don't know what it's been about me on my high horse...but this was just like rubbing sand paper on an open nerve. i guess it could be because one of my best friends matthew works with internet crimes against children. so, i am updated weekly on the arrests he's made relating to soliciting minors over the internet. he has a myspace page dedicated to it. (www.myspace.com/icacla) so, these mothers are, in a way, sticking their daughters out in this arena even more. one of my favorite movies, "little miss sunshine", deals with many of these child pageant issues. girls under the age of 8 who look like they should be my peers. i love the moral behind that movie and how the family deals with it. ALSO- they had the scary creepy man who sat by himself to watch it. (enter child predator here) nuts! and, i'm not saying all pageants, or even all child pageants are evil and we should do away with them. kids like to have the spot light. they are little hams for attention. but, is it wise to stick your child in a skin tight mini skirt and tube top, with hair almost a foot high, make up you should be able to pop off like a mask, and fake teeth shaking her 6 year old behind to "hey ya" by outkast?! honestly!! i'm just completely revolted and confused.

seriously. case study. i see that being in my dissertation.

prayers.

my heart and prayers go out to the students, faculty, and families of those who were part of the horrible tragedy today. my thoughts are consumed, my eyes fight tears, and my heart aches for them.

dr. tran. my hero.

Caution...quite crude...but SOO FUNNY!!!


Dr. Tran

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so great.

(cough, cough)

my mother informed me that she felt bad for my future husband when i get sick b/c i have been so grouchy lately.

APPARENTLY i'm supposed to float around like an angel saying sweet nothings all day long while tossing bouquets of flowers into the air.

i'd rather make sure my eyes don't pop out due to the insane amount of pressure in my head. but...whatever.

according to AJ alot of things i do will effect my relationships in life. you know, like not making my bed. that has divorce written all over it.

oh. aj

southwestern love.

we're back. sadness has creeped back into my heart that i have to be in class tomorrow. grr...

although, it was a good trip, i am happy to be back home. home is a very special place to me. i can't wait until i move and experience things apart from my family, but they are a vital part of my life. i think i called them everyday to fill them in because i was so excited about everything i was seeing and involved in. oh well, back to the salt mines. oh yeah, finding a job too.

take me back to the mountains. please!

belly bumping man. oy.

so, tonight. interesting. the three of us joined a group of target associates to a chiefs hockey game. they are an amateur league based in alb. they were HORRIBLE! in shreveport we have the mudbugs, bad name...i know. crawfish strike the fear in anyone, right? yeah. but, atleast at the mudbug games there is real action. real fights. real scores. real sports! i love hockey! but this game was quite a let down. i kept waiting for it to "really" get started. never did. instead, i was the seventh wheel at a horrible hockey game. interesting. after the game everyone wanted to go to the casino. i have never been to a casino before. i just turned 21 a month ago...no such luck yet. so, we went. and well, that's my casino experience. i'm really set for life now. if someone with some sort of epileptic disorder walked in, a seizure was sure to happen. flashing lights, loud noises. ah! i immediately aquired the ashtray smell. wonderful. i actually felt really bad for these people. i for some reason kept getting the visual of them chained to these machines. depressing. although, i had to laugh when lindsay and i saw this older woman (and by older i mean like in her 80's) on a scooter driving around with her bucket. i mean, go home. you're old. it's almost 2:00am. it's not worth it. and don't try to drive into me either. lindsay and i watched the chris's lose money in poker for a bit, but decided we were hungry and to find the food vender. standing in line i kept feeling the strange sense that someone was standing abnormally close to me. so, i turn around to find this indian (native american indian) dressed in his turquoise bedazzled cowboy hat and fringed jacket standing face to face to me. this is the definition of awkward. he then proceeded to step closer and belly-bump me through out the time we were standing in line. i was finding it incredibly difficult to keep a straight face, which i failed at. spicy frito pies were consumed along with refreshing coke and we were off to collect the boys. before we left chris treated us to a white russian and we then headed back. it was an interesting night...one i won't be forgetting anytime soon.

peace of mind with chinese food.

so much color. color everywhere! yesterday lindsay took me to this market place, or "mercado", called jackalope. it was amazing! everything was for the most part handmade with an open market feel. also, the other glass blowing studio is out there, so we stopped to say hi to elodies partner janeen and watch her blow glass flowers. they had so many amazing things to look at. i just eat up everything with color. we then went down town to get some "ying and yang" food. gooood chinese. she and i were the only people in there for about the first 20 minutes or so. we had lots of good talks. that's where the epiphany was set in stone. guys are really simple minded and girls give them way too much credit. or rather, they think simple and we over complicate things. (this is the L&K epiphany) it's really ironic though, b/c i was telling lindsay that i've been so stressed out leading up to this trip and i can seem to find any peace of mind or be able to just sit and not have to think about 7 steps ahead. she and chris have done some things by themselves, which i welcome with open arms so i can just sit on the balcony and write or read and just let my mind wander and not feel guilty for not planning something or figuring out what my next "to-do" thing is. it's been amazing. after i told her that my fortune cookie said, "a peace of mind is the highest achieving goal". that piece of paper went in katie's wallet to keep as a reminder not to let myself get as low and burdened as i have been lately with school and work. God speaks to me in the smallest ways. he's been speaking to me alot lately, showing me things that i need to let go and keep a tight grasp on. lots of introspection has been going on. lindsay and i hung out the rest of the night and went to different stores, brought chris his dinner, secret shopping again...the night was ended with laughs and bailey. it was a good day. they have all been good days. i'm sad it's coming to a close. i've really needed this.

oxidization. metals. must be glass blowing.

there are so many amazing things to experience and witness here. yesterday was a definately an amazing day. i started out thinking it wouldn't be that great b/c i woke up with a really bad tension headache. i decided not to join chris and lindsay to taos for lunch to meet with his mentor steve. so instead, i spent most of the morning emailing my dad and studying for my psychometrics test for when i get back to class. when my headache started to curb i decided to go to target b/c my lips have been so chapped lately that they are extremely irritating. so, i got to drive chris' hybrid car. i want that car. despite the fact i sat in it for a good 15 minutes before i realized how to change from neutral to drive. i LOVE that car. i want one now. it's the tree hugger in me dying to break free. so after my trip to target i then couldn't remember how to change from park to reverse in his little prius, so i called to ask- well they were at the glass blowing studio so i got directions to meet up with them. the drive was beautiful, to be driving down the road and in the distance beautiful mountains and just lush greens. like i've said before, i'm a very visual person, so things like beautiful scenery i just gobble up. even in the flat lands of west texas, i couldn't stop staring. God's beauty just amazes me. well, after my wonderful drive, i end up at the glass studio where i meet elodie. this woman is a genuis. i could have stayed there all day and just watched and asked questions. she eagerly answered anything i asked. i know that being into art, and dabbling in it myself, you like talking with others about it. it's a subject i can get lost in and talk for hours about. her knowledge was incredible. apparently, instead of using pigment to make the glass colorful you use metals. so, chemistry is very important to know the oxidizing and what colors things turn under extreme heat. hearing her story about how she started out and the trials she's been through was amazing. she is easily one of the coolest people i've ever met in my life. after ripping myself away from the studio, we were all hungry so we went to the plaza. the plaza is like a string of shopping centers and galleries. if you have ever been to san antonio then it's like the river walk. you have restaurants, shops, galleries, historical landmarks, everything really. we ate gooood mexican food at a place called "the shed" and had wonderful conversations. chris had the hankering for haggindas, and like we really fought the notion. yum. the rest of the night was spent walking around and looking through the windows. everything here closes ridiculously early, which is something none of us can understand. the thing about santa fe that i'm realizing is that it reminds me alot of san antonio, just surrounded by mountains. although, it's not quite as colorful. but, still the same spirit. oh the experiences i've acquired.

call me the mountain master!

it's going to be hard for me to go back to port city after seeing all the mountains. i've been spoiled completely. yesterday lindsay and i were secret shoppers again! it's fun to be on that side of the counter rather then the other getting graded. chris took lindsay and i to a "new mexican" restaurant called castros, yes like fidel. some of the best mexican food i've had in a very long time. it was an amazingly beautiful place too. all the art and decorations were incredible. since i'm a very visual person, it's hard for me not to get side tracked in conversation b/c my eye catches something across the room. that occurred many times through out the meal. chris then slapped lindsay in the face with a tortilla...quite amusing if i do say so myself. we then went to get our caffine fix by our crack dealer of choice:starbucks. but, instead of going shopping we went back to chris' appartment and tried to take naps b/c we were so full from lunch we were miserable. i, surprisingly couldn't sleep, so i sat on the balcony and read my book. i think it was the definition is complete relaxation. i had my ipod, my book, and the most amazing weather. i got a bit sunburned b/c i fell asleep in the sun, which was funny b/c i was actually really cold since the wind was blowing with a mad fury. when chris came home from work we decided to try to hike up to see the sunset on the mountains. i was sooo pumped. we drove up to the mountain trail and there were still huge patches of snow. (which, i have never experienced snow) so i was rather excited. we started heading up the mountain and about 5 minutes into it i felt like there was an elephant doing jumping jacks on my chest from the altitude. but, after we stopped going over the log steps and started on the actual trail, i think i could have run up the mountain. snow balls were thrown. (i made the best) and we continued up. i got really excited and just kept walking and figured i should keep within eye sight of chris and lindsay incase i were to get lost or fall off the side, which came close to happening. i took so many pictures. it was absolutely breath taking. we however weren't going to make it up there before dark so we decided to just go back down and try another day. we are going to go see an abandoned mine sometime this week. if i lived near the mountains i would be skipping class all the time to go hiking. i'm in love. and, adobe actually looks really pretty at night. (this is me eating my words.)

don't let bobby knight slap you silly.

ok. i'm in love. easily i'm in love. after a fun filled days drive with getting lost and what not, we made our way to texas tech to take the tour and talk to many many people. point one for making girls have a draw to come to college- hot tour guide. our's was named Will. will was nice. will walked backwards. but, it's not will that i am in love with...it is the campus. it's beautiful. i absolutely loved it. parts reminded me of LSU, with the architecture and what not. the people were incredibly nice and helpful. i was very impressed. lindsay even said that if they had her program she would apply. so, now the only thing i have to work out to see if it's even an option is financial aid. there was this clause with the out of state tuition where it said if you were in a county connected to texas then the out of state fee would be waivered. so, i figured since i lived, literally 10 miles from the texas border, maybe the same went for louisiana. not so much, but when i explained the proximity to where i was living and that i was born in texas, she gave me many options which could waiver my fees as well. one being a TA, which i was interested in anyway. i called my dad afterwards and he was so supportive and just said "katie, wherever the lord wants you. that's where you'll be." soooo...i don't know yet. i really liked it. but, i'm also looking at trinity university in san antonio this summer when i go down for my friend meredith's wedding in july and also st. mary's university where my grandmother attended for her masters. i have a year, i just like to be prepared. so anywho....

lindsay and i headed out again on the open road and saw miles and miles and miles of....nothing. we apparently lost our highway while on it and it decided to reappear about 2 hours later. fun times. on this highway we came up behind a yaht being transported somewhere in new mexico, since there are so many large bodies of water here. but, it was breath taking coming up on all the mountains as we neared santa fe. i took many many pictures.when we arrived in santa fe, i became utterly fascinated that EVERYTHING is adobe. chris and lindsay laugh at me b/c i have to comment that EVERYTHING is adobe. but, it's very very beautiful here. we went to target to see chris and got chased down by some man wanting to sell us magazines in the parking lot. he said at first that he didn't want to come near me b/c i gave him the "fuck you" look. if a strange man approaches me in a parking lot talking about edible underwear, what do you expect? honestly. oh. i love experiences that make for good stories, and the fact that my body language is oh so subtle. (thank you amy.)

avenue h...where are you?

this morning we departed on our great and wonderful journey to west texas and santa fe. i spend all of last night/early this morning washing my many many clothes for the trip. and i don't think i've ever packed so much in my life. which would be the reason i had to waddle into the ramada inn heavy ladden by my many bags. oy. but- anywho.

we left at around 10ish from barnes and noble to get our caffinated goodness and headed west. the drive was pretty good, just long. we saw many a wonderous things on our way. signs that point to power lines saying "power lines" for those who might question the large black wires draped across the highway. public restrooms are a thing that should be updated too. i mean, come on...i had to roll up my pants from the floor up to my knees because the floor smelled like...well. i'll spare you. lindsay drove the whole way, minus the 15 minutes i did before we hit bumper to bumper traffic in a standard. yes. katie had a mini-panick attack. it died on me 4 times. bless the girl behind me who just waved everytime i threw my hands up saying obscenities. we ended up just for-going the directions and following the many texas tech-er's who were migrating back to the educational mecca. which, brought us into lubbock ghetto. scary ghetto. like, reminds me of san antonio areas where you take your life into your own hands. i was worried and saying "i don't care if this is the best damn school, i'm NOT going here where i don't know anyone getting lost on a regular basis." but, we found safety in the retail stores. much much better. food was then consumed at outback along with mine and lindsays demand for alcohol. bless them for that. now, i'm laying in bed after a wonderful hot shower listening to lindsay talk to chris on the cellular phone. so far, it's been a good story. tomorrow i tour the school, talk to financial aid people and what not. see wassss up. the campus looks really pretty, so that's a plus. then we head farther west to santa fe. MUCH FUN!! :)

oh, and if anyone would like to know the locations of many gentleman's clubs in lubbock, texas...i'm your girl. that's what getting lost will get you. (and not in the spiritual "lost" type way.)

Shreveport/Bossier...what? what?

"North Bossier Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at The Boardwalk. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.




"Spring Lake Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.





"Cedar Grove Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.





"The Ellerbe Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.





"Benton Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.




"Downtown Restoration Project Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.




"Keithville Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Theodore Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.




"Highland Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Midtown Barbie?s and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

i'm sorry, can you frame that?

so, my best buddy lindsay and i had a shopping day today and went many-a-places. although we made many wise purchases, that one spectacular site i had to capture on film. digital film that is....yes. it says what you think it says. the rest said "kitty". sly...

play that ipod on shuffle mr. dj.

songs which are on constant repeat on my ipod as of late...

"Gold Digger" by Kanye West. i can't help but dancing to this.

"irreplaceable" by beyonce. ok. i'm NOT a destiny's child, beyonce, or anything related to them fan...but i adore this song. when driving in my car if this song comes on the radio, it's my immediate jam.

"come a little bit closer" by dierks bently. vonderful.

"Mississippi" by the dixie chicks. a remake of bob dylan, and a great remake if i do say so myself. my favorite song ever.

"portions for foxes" by rilo kiley. troop beverly hills girl jenny lewis all growed up.

and the albums...

"new way to be human" by switchfoot. oh, a classic.

"the long way" by the dixie chicks. the entire cd is amazing. "lubbock or leave it", "like it", and "taking the long way" are my fav's.

any by sugarcult.

"blue prints for the black market" by anberlin. WOW.

"if i could make a livin" by clay walker. this take me back to elementary school. none of that "fore she was a mama" malarkie.

"travis tritts greatest hits" by travis tritt. anything by travis tritt is greatly loved.

"never take friendship personal" by anberlin. favorite band ever.

"23" by tristan prettyman. i'm in love with this album. it's usually when i'm in starbucks trying to study when this one is on repeat

"mr. a-z" by jazon mraz. my future husband

all relient k albums

that's all i can think of right now...music is my life.

you know you have fair skin when...

you get a sunburn in the shape of a circle on your chest from a necklace after sitting in the sun for less then an hour. geez...
stop laughing.

wowzers.

i was reading a journal posting from the front man of my new favorite band, anberlin, and i was amazed at the insight he had on this little thing called love. seeing as yesterday was valentines day and there were couples, chocolate, and flowers coming out of every corner...i found this very fitting for such times as these. that, and he used carl jung (a very prominent psychologist) in his writings. :) enjoy!

true love is the only just and holy war.
by: stephen christian

i am so fascinated by love, this entity we all seek, and in some cases destroy. i think one of the greatest things about love is the aspect of vulnerability. we are opening ourselves up to someone that we have only encountered recently in the grand scheme of our life. up to this point we have known every thought, feeling, and action of ourselves; and then someone enters our little kingdom and demands to know and cohabitate in our thoughts, be apart our feelings, and create memories together.

carl jung once said "when there is love there is no power. when there is power there is no love." i find that to be my favorite quote by mr jung to date. what i think he is trying to say is that when love is present we are inclined to do what is best for that other person, our motives and self centered behavior is soon replaced by the life pursuits of another entity, another human being. we have no power because we want no power. we choose to remain helpless to our own internal motives, we lower our defenses, we surrender our individuality for the greater good of the unity between two organisms.

the opposite "when there is power there is no love," is also true. when one of the two beings in a relationship began to be in complete dominance of the other i believe something is amiss, now please don't confuse leadership with dominance. just because one of the parties in a relationship leads the relationship does not mean that he/she ('she' because in some cultures such as the indigenous alaskan tribes the female leads the community) is overpowering or overbearing. in fact correct leadership makes decisions based on what is best for my family/community/tribe and NOT what is the best decision for me. when there is an lob sided overpowering in a relationship, than the formidable force does not relinquish any judgement or decisions to the subjecting power, in this way physical, mental, verbal abuse usually follows to establish cave-man like dominance. when this occurs i believe, much like jung was insinuating, there is no love.

dr. keen, a notable journalist for psychology today once said, "authentic love is a dance with three movements: solo, counterpoint, and coming together. leave any one of the three movements out and you destroy the dance. in a love relationship, people stand alone and apart from one another, enter into respectful struggle with each other and rejoice in their interdependence. in love, "no" is married to "yes", elemental forces like flint and steel meeting but not mixing; an encounter in which i and though stand firm."

solo- i believe that there needs to be a point to finding oneself, a journey in solitude, away from ones family and friends where a boy becomes a man, a girl into a women. i think too many times girls never become women because they never leave the shelter of their father and instantly assimilate into the shelter of a husband, meanwhile never learning what it is like to live on their own under the shadows of responsibility, financial decisions, and most importantly their own individual passions. how is anyone going to make someone else happy until they themselves know what makes them happy? why do we pursue a lifetime commitment without knowing what they themselves want to accomplish in this lifetime? the Bible says "seek and you will find." in light of that there needs to be a time of seeking before one can inevitably find someone to spend the rest of their days with; and by seeking i do NOT mean seeking out someone to be in a relationship with, but seeking life on your own. in lamens terms (& like i have said before) do not look for mr. right until you have completelty devoloped mrs. right. in the same fashion do not pursue mrs. right until you have developed mr. right.

counterpoint: finding love involves a point of adaptability, cohesiveness and compatibility. but no matter how much a person is opposite or alike there is always going to be some type of friction in a relationship. no relationship is going to be perfect, even the most fairy tale of sweeping romances will one day have the "its your turn to take out the garbage," or "i told you you were going the wrong way," discussion at some point or another. but that is not the moment when one should give up, just because you argue does not mean that they are not the ones for you, or that you were not meant to be. a great book for newly engaged, lovers, or the married is "the 5 love languages" by gary chapman. i think it goes into great detail as to where and how one views love, and the importance they place on different attempts at affection.

coming together: this happens only after you have realized the positive and the negative in the relationship, only after the moment (much like in the motion picture 'eternal sunshine for the spotless mind') when you say "OK" to each other's faults and accept them for who they are. good and bad, rich or poor, till death do you part. commitment. a vow before heaven and earth. but what an amazing experience, when you not only feel love, but decide to love the other person completely, and for ever. that is coming together.

and when the sun set's and the warriors return with their swords sheathed to their camp to rest, we look back at this battlefield in all its glory, all the bloodshed, and the dried tears, realizing only then that true love is the only just and holy war worth fighting.

mmm...art....

where's the tazer when you need it?

ok, i'm all for being an avid sports fan. i mean, come one...my mom ran up and down the halls screaming when the spurs won the NBA championship. but, this is crossing a major defined if you step over your leg should be eaten by wild dogs type line.

email the paper for your thoughts. i know i did. ChicagoInfoGov@gmail.com

seriously. people have lost their minds.

by golly! there's a new invention!

bascarts...oh what a wonderous thing.

kroger. smarties they are.